What Makes Us All Insane
by blackcat9517
Summary: The Joker is bored. What does that mean for the rest of the Arkham inmates? Purely crackfic.


It was just like any other day in Arkham Asylum. Most of the rogues were in their respective cells, feeling angry and frustrated by the fact that Batman managed to foil their plans and kick their backsides into Arkham without breaking a sweat. Well, except for the Joker since he's always laughing and smiling but that's not the point. The point is, our favourite inmate is well, let's just say bored. He was casually leaning against the wall while throwing cards into a hat. How'd he get such a thing? Nobody knows.

As he was whistling about, he could hear Two-Face's angry scream followed by Scarecrow, Poison Ivy, The Mad Hatter, Bane, Killer Croc, The Riddler and even Harley. His only reaction was a grin before he suddenly erupted into a fit of laughter. Apparently, he pulled a prank on all of them.

Let's just say that the Joker submitted a little something to all major newspaper companies in Gotham. Still in a giggling state, he grabbed the paper and laughed louder.

**THE TRUE NATURE OF ARKHAM**

Just yesterday, Gotham Daily received an anonymous letter of what seems to have the hit song's 'What Makes You Beautiful' lyrics parodied.

_Bane's insecure, don't know what for_

_He turns his head when he walks into Arkham_

_Two-Face needs make-up, to cover up _

_His ugly face but it's not enough_

_Everyone else in the asylum could see it_

_Everyone else but him_

_Poison Ivy darkens men's world like nobody else_

_The way that she flips her hair gets you underwhelmed_

_But when she hates men it ain't hard to tell _

_She doesn't know _

_Oh oh _

_She doesn't know she's homo yet_

_If only she saw what everyone else could see_

_She'll understand why Harvey wants her so desperately_

_Right now everyone's looking at Killer Croc and they can't believe_

_He doesn't know _

_Oh oh_

_He doesn't know he's hideous_

_Oh oh_

_That's what makes him hideous_

_So c-come on _

_The Riddler's got it wrong_

_To prove I'm right I'll put him in a song_

_I don't know why, he likes to cry _

_And turn away when Killer Croc looks into his eyes _

_Everyone else in Arkham are tall_

_Everyone else but Jervis _

_Poison Ivy darkens men's world like nobody else_

_The way that she flips her hair gets you underwhelmed_

_But when she hates men it ain't hard to tell _

_She doesn't know _

_Oh oh _

_She doesn't know she's homo yet_

_If only Scarecrow ate what everyone eats_

_He'll understand why he's skinny like a drug addict_

_Right now Riddler's reading the Twilight series _

_He doesn't know _

_Oh oh_

_He doesn't know he's gay yet_

_Oh oh_

_That's what makes him ridiculous_

_Na na na na na na na na na _

_(Batman!)_

_Na na na na na na na na _

_(Batman!)_

_Scarecrow darkens people's world like nobody else_

_The way he says 'Fear me!' is really lame _

_But when he starts screaming it ain't hard to tell_

_He doesn't know _

_Oh oh_

_He doesn't know he inhaled his own Fear gas_

_Poison Ivy darkens men's world like nobody else_

_The way that she flips her hair gets you underwhelmed_

_But when she hates men it ain't hard to tell _

_She doesn't know _

_Oh oh _

_She doesn't know she's homo yet_

_If only Harley would stop befriending plant- lady_

_She'll understand why I ate her chicken pie_

_Right now I'm looking at her and I can't believe _

_She doesn't know _

_Oh oh_

_She doesn't know she looks fat_

_That's what makes us all insane_

"WHAT THE HELL! I'M NOT DESPERATE! I'LL KILL THAT CLOWN!" Two-Face screamed in anger. The Arkham guards had tried to calm him down after he attempted to breakout as soon as he read the papers.

"I'M NOT GAY! DO YOU HEAR ME JOKER? I'M NOT GAY! I'M THE RIDDLER! THE SMARTEST MAN ON THE FACE OF THE EARTH!" Edward Nygma shouted at the top of his lungs as he was being dragged away from the recreational room.

Poison Ivy on the other hand was silently plotting a way to kill the Joker or at least make him sick. That'll teach him for calling her a homo. Evil plots began clouding her mind. Should she put poison in his food? In his meds? Spread poisonous spores while he sleeps? She'll eventually think of something. He'll suffer.

Killer Croc who was pissed by what he read in the sewers, shredded the papers before proceeding to eat of what's left, pretending it was the Joker. "I'll get his scent and eat him! I'M GORGEOUS!"

Jervis Tetch, the Mad Hatter was just as angry as the rest. He felt like crying while reading the lyrics. The clown will pay. He'll be sure of that. He could take insults but what the Joker did was unacceptable.

Bane was silent when he read the paper. He wasn't insecure. He doesn't turn his head when he walks into Arkham! The clown wrote him like an insecure little girl! "I'LL BREAK YOUR BACK CLOWN! WE'LL SEE WHO'S INSECURE!"

Jonathan Crane enjoyed reading the lyrics until his part came up. SKINNY? He was skinny because he has always been like that! The Joker is just as scrawny! And what's worse is that the way he says 'Fear me!' is called lame. It's not lame! It's awesome! "FEAR ME CLOWN! WORSHIP ME! I'M THE MASTER OF FEAR! AND I'M NOT SKINNY LIKE A DRUG ADDICT!"

Harley's reaction was the worst. She found some of the to be lyrics funny but when it came to her part... well, let's just say she was angry at first and then started to cry. She was upset with her Puddin' for calling her 'fat'. She's not fat! Because of what happened, she refused to come out of her cell for three days.

For the rest of the week, Two-Face, Scarecrow, Poison Ivy and the rest that was involved in Joker's prank ignored him. They refused to talk to him, Crane threw porridge at him (but missed), Ivy tried to poison him but failed. Her poison got onto Two-Face instead. Jervis Tetch threw chess pieces at the Joker, Bane tried to attack him but slipped causing his head to hit hard on the floor.

Harley on the other hand didn't talk to him for two weeks. Not a single word came out of his girlfriend's mouth. He tried reasoning with her and told her it was only a prank. Eventually, she found it to be 'sweet' that he at least wrote something about her... after he left her a flower in her cell.

All in all, things went back to normal... until The Joker mysteriously got food poisoning and was immediately sent to the medical bay.

END

* * *

Well, that's it. Sorry if it's not that good but this is my first Batman fanfic. Anyway thanks for reading. I really appreciate it and no I'm not a hater of One Direction. I just have a habit of parodying things :)


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